“People say, that which doesn’t kill makes you stronger, but they are wrong. What doesn’t kill you doesn’t kill you. That’s all you get. Sometimes you have to hope that’s enough”
When I read “Running from Solace” I really did not want to connect with any of the characters. I really wanted to read this book in a hurry and get it over with. I had a responsibility to IYBC and Theodore who chose this novel. I did not rush to buy it or read it. My plan was to breeze through it in a couple of days before our book IYBC discussion. I have learned that I must “pick my battles” even when it comes to my past, especially my childhood. I will not revisit it, and if I do it will be on my terms.
OK, I’ll be honest. The verbage in “Running from Solace” makes me uncomfortable. I really do not like getting into my “childhood” Theodore was still “on the fence” about “Running from Solace because of the sexual, physical and emotional abuse. I’m saying to myself “here we go again, somebody always wants write about child abuse as a storyline when this is an issue that is a living” reality” Theodore said this book is excellent, “Running from Solace” is the book I will facilitate for the month of February. When he left, I took in a deep breath and exhaled. I just knew I was going to be depressed, I have enough going in my life as it, I don’t need or welcome the sleepless nights, now I have to read and revisit the past again, when I try to get off the emotional roller coaster, someone always wants me to ride again. Why can’t people just leave it alone I did.
Who is this author of this book? I looked at her name which was difficult for me to pronounce, and what does “Solace” mean? I guess I am supposed to be drawn to her book just because she is a “conscious sister” raising the issues of child abuse. I’ll show her. I will read this book when I am good and ready. Well I did and could not put the book down, stayed up all night reading “Running from Solace” when I went to work and I logged on my computer by thumbs were sore from holding the “kindle reader” all night long into the dawn of 3:00 am. All I could do was laugh at myself at this point. So much for me having the last word!!
When I was reading ” Running From Solace” I just knew I was gong to connect to Naomi. I survived my childhood. I am ok, I am neutral.
IYBC I was drawn to Mona this woman who exhibited some of my mothers behavior. I need to understand her ” point of origin” what is your thought process? “Running from Solace” gives a view into the mind of a child abuser. Does this mean we excuse their actions of course not, but we learn from the deficits in their life, so that we can start making deposits in ours. “Running from Solace” confirmed in my spirit, that my mother destroyed the love even before I got a chance to give it. The anger never turned into hatred or the why’s of our relationship. My curiosity was enough to sustain me so that I could understand her. Sometimes just knowing there was a “oppertunity” that never received a chance to “inherit the wind” I can live with that.