Is Marriage For White People? By Ralph Richard Banks

Well, I do believe Professor Banks is off to a great start indeed! One of the baffling questions I wanted answered was, why this title? We obviously can deduce that Prof. Banks could not be suggesting marriage is only for one race, when in fact he is encouraging black women to marry. The answer of how he came up with this title comes to us on page 7….out of the mouth of babes!

In Prof. Banks intro he continues to state how the African American marriage decline affects everyone. One thing I found intriguing is the way he explained that while marriage is on the decline in our race, it is also on the decline in other races as well. This is not just an issue with blacks, but with our society as a whole. Hopefully as we get further into the book Prof. Banks will make clear to us how the nation is affected and how black women can tip the scales with his solution of “marrying out”.

Even in the first 10 pages we see that Prof. Banks has done his homework. He did not haphazardly come to conclusions, but offers several studies and statistics to let us know he is not coming to us on opinion, but on documented truths.

Did you know that black women are the most unmarried group in our nation? Can you look around your circle of friends and family and see this for yourselves?

I hope you all are enjoying the book as much as I and I look forward to hearing from you IYBC.

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10 Responses to Is Marriage For White People? By Ralph Richard Banks

  1. chocolateamethyst says:

    Hello IYBC,
    “Is Marriage For White People” looking forward to this read. I hope this is not another book
    about women who are single, but yet when we read the book, all we have is another married
    person’s opinion, but yet still single, but for the most part excellent choice.

  2. Hello IYBC!

    I’m only about 1/3 finished with this book, but I can tell already we are going to have a plethora of topics to dissect with this book! I just have to comment on the subtopic in Ch. 4; Man Sharing. Even though I know a lot of this goes on, it was just appalling to read the nonchalant attitude that some women have been “forced” to adapt concerning the matter. I for one would rather be all by myself than to ever knowingly share a man. It is degrading enough to have to doing it unknowingly. I’m like the little boy on that old ruffles commercial: He wants his own bag. Well I want my own man!

    OMG! What about the part about the physician delivering the sad news of STDs to black women who never seem surprised? Even God said “it is not good that the man should be alone” but he obviously did not mean for us to feel we have to have someone in our lives at any cost. And “with someone” does not by any stretch of the imagination mean sex must be involved!

    I’m just scandalized by the pitiful fact that some women would rather settle for a piece of man than no man at all!

    How do you feel about man sharing? Is there ever a situation where it is OK?

  3. chocolateamethyst says:

    Hello IYBC
    I would like to comment on the history of divorce the book “Is Marriage For White People”
    makes a bold statement that incites that it was almost next to impossible to get a divorce.The
    fact that you do not get along with your spouse was not grounds for divorce. The laws for
    divorce only became lax in in 1970’s. This really does question the morality of that time
    period, which always seems to suggest that people respected the constitution of marriage
    but according to the facts, the law did grant many divorces so it seems that people were
    forced to stay together, not because of a higher standard that marriage demanded.

    Man Sharing, I have zero tolerance for. This is a personal question that each woman must
    ask herself, just because we feel it is morally wrong does not make it scandalous, If all
    participants are in agreement what is the problem?

    I feel that the men need to take some responsibility in Man Sharing since they are the ones
    that benefit from this the most, why the need for multiple partners? Ok lady’s we do need
    to elevate ourselves above the “immediate” needs of men, but men should examine
    their behavior in the quest of women.

    Women are not forced to participate in Man Sharing, they make a conscious decision to
    to be a “testimony to the cause” based on what society says.

    When we agree to be the feet that wipe the doormat,that lays their in agreement
    that is “degrading” I personally have a healthy habit of loving myself.

    CHOCOLATE AMETHYST

    I

    • trburdette says:

      Hello IYBC
      WOW! The bible talks about the holy union of marriage and it also sets the ground rules for marriage, divorce and remarriage. Many times we tend to forget what the bible has already told us and only use the parts that we feel is beneficial to us. Leasher you are correct that just because you did not get along with your spouse was not grounds for divorce and now the law says “Irreconcilliable Differences”. I think the whole point was to not get divorced for petty reasons (he leaves the toilet seat uip, he squeeze the tooth past from the middle and not roll up the bottom, he pass gas in his sleep, etc…) It sounds funny but these all fall under “Irreconcillable Differences”. You can say that it forced people to stay together, but I think that was the point to work out your differences and see if you could overcome your issues and not just rush into divorce.

      I also have zero tolerance for man sharing and yes, this is a personal question that each woman must ask herself. I feel it is morally wrong, scandalous and they are trifling (that’s what my great grandmother would say). Even if all participants are in agreement it is still wrong. Not only does the men need to take some responsibility but the women do too. I don’t feel that the men are the ones that benefit from this the most, I think it goes both ways because you will find women who will share their man but when it comes to men they aren’t as quick to share their women because they want to have their cake and eat it too. He can be married and have you on the side, but he don’t want you to talk to no one but him….hmmmmmm

      Like Malissa said women just need to be smarter and stronger. Many times women settle like that because the men gives them station in life. You will find women that are more grounded and secure are not even approached like that because the men know better. They know that their chances are better with someone that does not have a job, no car and poor education who is totally dependent on them financially. If they would get up off their rusty dusty and do something with their self the need to be totally dependent will not exist and they will began to see that “I don’t need this” and he will find another sucker somewhere else and the cycle keeps turning.

      And we wonder why HIV/AIDS, STD’s, divorce and children born out of Wedlock are so high.

      Just my thoughts

      • Hello IYBC,

        “Is Marriage For White People” is book that has a secular point of view. The Bible

        is the source that governs a “Christians” behavior and lifestyle. Tonya I can appreciate

        that your ethics discerns your thoughts as a Christan which is personal for you.

        The author Ralph Richard Banks wrote this book based on the comments when

        he interviewed people on their experiences, he has composed data and statistics

        to support the facts. He has stated points of views that are questionable, but

        never the less gives us a few nuggets to ponder on.

        I am not a supporter of “scandal” of any nature, If we have three ADULTS

        are in agreement that they all are aware of the pro’s and con’s of their arrangement

        and in this case a relationship, They have all the facts to make a informative

        decision and proceed and come to the conclusion, that this benefits their needs.

        Their decision to take part in a “tryst” does not impede or affect anyone especially me

        why would that be a issue or any concern to me?

        We are all works in progress and the the only one that has arrived is “Jesus Christ”

        and until I see him involved in “situation” I am not “moved” when people have a

        healthy appetite for lust. I view it as a question of “tolerance” which does not have

        anything to do with right or wrong. I speak in generalities because the author has

        specifically targeted Christians or none Christians.

        I have tendency not to scream fire when I don’t have water.

        CHOCOLATE AMETHYST

  4. chocolateamethyst says:

    Hello IYBC,
    I do have a question for Mr. Banks the author of “Is Marriage For White People”
    If a woman goes to a Vocational Technical School or is a waitress at a “Dive”
    is she just as accomplished as a woman with degrees and money. It seems as though
    as though if you are educated with several degrees, excellent job that pays well
    beautiful and accomplished you deserve a husband more than the maid that cleans
    hotel rooms.

  5. “One might then wonder not why marriage has declined, but instead

    how it has survived”

    Hello IYBC,

    “Is Marriage For White People” by Ralph Richard Banks will join us

    on “skype” 15 March 2012 at 6:30pm. Malissa Taylor will be facilitating

    this IYBC book club meeting. Mr. Banks has accepted our invitation

    and has agreed to have a “Diverse Dialouge With Passion” IYBC

    this will be a excellent opportunity for us to converse with Mr.Banks

    on his views and thoughts about his challenging read, that demands

    a honest and assertive conversation that only IYBC can deliver.

    Please read the link that has been provided in this email. This interview

    is awesome Mr. Banks clarifies his position with out prejudice, and

    draws the line on interpretation and perception.

    Please log on to our blog page that is located on the

    Augusta Richmond County Public Library web site and select IYBC

    on the far bottom right hand side so that you can blog along with

    IYBC and Ralph Richard Banks, the author of “Is Marriage For White People”

    This is exciting and really preps us for this special evening of

    ” the meeting of the minds” on 15 March 2012 6:30 pm at the

    Augusta Richmond County Public LIbrary

    823 Telfair St. 3rd Floor

    Augusta, GA 30901.

    IYBC if you want to take part in “blogging” please accept the invite that

    was emailed to you a couple of weeks ago by Ms James so that you

    blog now and in the future, IYBC is a blogging book club so your support

    is needed and always welcomed. I thank you in advance for your

    commitment and patronage to IYBC.

    Please do not reply to this email FYI purposes only

    Leasher

    “One might then wonder not why marriage has declined, but instead

    how it has survived”

    Hello IYBC,

    “Is Marriage For White People” by Ralph Richard Banks will join us

    on “skype” 15 March 2012 at 6:30pm. Malissa Taylor will be facilitating

    this IYBC book club meeting. Mr. Banks has accepted our invitation

    and has agreed to have a “Diverse Dialouge With Passion” IYBC

    this will be a excellent opportunity for us to converse with Mr.Banks

    on his views and thoughts about his challenging read, that demands

    a honest and assertive conversation that only IYBC can deliver.

    Please read the link that has been provided in this email. This interview

    is awesome Mr. Banks clarifies his position with out prejudice, and

    draws the line on interpretation and perception.

    Please log on to our blog page that is located on the

    Augusta Richmond County Public Library web site and select IYBC

    on the far bottom right hand side so that you can blog along with

    IYBC and Ralph Richard Banks, the author of “Is Marriage For White People”

    This is exciting and really preps us for this special evening of

    ” the meeting of the minds” on 15 March 2012 6:30 pm at the

    Augusta Richmond County Public LIbrary

    823 Telfair St. 3rd Floor

    Augusta, GA 30901.

    IYBC if you want to take part in “blogging” please accept the invite that

    was emailed to you a couple of weeks ago by Ms James so that you

    blog now and in the future, IYBC is a blogging book club so your support

    is needed and always welcomed. I thank you in advance for your

    commitment and patronage to IYBC.

    Please do not reply to this email FYI purposes only

    Leasher

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